Progress Report

[ste_noni]

So, some of you may remember that I few weeks ago, I posted something about not being alone ever again?

I think I sorta miss that part of my life. The last week has been harder than I would have expected. Believe it or not, the hardest part for me has been recovering from the physical aspects of labor. I'm sore and I'm tired of feeling so gross. None of my clothes fit right and it's 97 degrees out. It all makes me not want to leave the house at all.

At the same time, I really want to get out of the house. I have done nothing this week but feed Ellie, change her, try to sleep when she will let me, and browse the Internet. Right now, she is sound asleep on my lap as I'm typing. She is so beautiful and peaceful looking. But I am craving my regular life - even if it involves studying for the bar exam. I miss having a routine.

Also, having Joe here is great, but stressful too. He thinks he will have to spend 6 months in Kuwait next April (he will be back from Iraq in Nov) although now he's hearing maybe not. Anyway, we got through the initial awkwardness of not having seen each other in 7 months, but it's hard to relate as new parents. I feel this tremendous pressure to make everything as good as possible for the next week while he's here, but Ellie has to come first. I know he understands intellectually, but I'm not sure he gets it emotionally. Plus, this is his only 2 weeks off in an entire year. He has worked every day since he left. I'd like his visit to include lots of uninterrupted sleep and fun stuff to do together. But, see above for why this is hard.

Anyway, I know it will get easier.

Comments

[sarameg.livejournal.com]

Cut yourself lots and lots of emotional slack. I'm expecting other parents will pop in to say that the first bit of baby! is really intense and emotional, and then top it with your reunion with Joe & the short time he gets as well? Oof .

The best you can do is to be kind to yourself and Joe and try to take each day, each emotion as it is and move to the next. Lots of leeway.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Joe and I went to dinner last night. It was nice to have an hour to ourselves and helped me feel a bit more normal. One day at a time, I guess.

[minim_calibre]

Believe it or not, the hardest part for me has been recovering from the physical aspects of labor.

Well, you were burning 700 calories an hour there, so it's like you had an intense day at the gym working muscles you'd never used before. Being wiped and sore is to be expected. A sitz bath is your friend. As is your peri bottle. I was amazed at how quickly I recovered, but it still took a couple weeks before I was really back to feeling like myself, and a couple weeks after that before I could find clothing to fit me from my pre-baby wardrobe.

Oh, and they warned you that you'll sweat extra for a few weeks, right? That you'll be gross AND unable to shower as needed? That gets better. Or you just get used to it. I'm trying to decide if a small amount of spit up in my hair is worth the bother of trying to shower tomorrow, or if I should just rinse it in the sink and go. Yes, my standards are about as low as a daschund right now, but as I never escape the house during the day, I guess that's okay.

A routine is pretty much going to be a no-go for a while. We're just sort of settling into one, which means it's due to change again soon.

The two weeks will, sadly, fly by. There's nothing you can do about that, I fear. Take lots of pictures together, try group cuddles or naps, and see if you can get a post-birth doula to come over and take the pressure off. I guess our high-risk silver lining was that we both had plenty of time to emotionally come to terms with Lily coming first. Without that, I can imagine the adapting would have been overwhelming.

You'll get through this. Mixed emotions and missing free hands and freedom, period, are both perfectly normal, and no amount of research can prepare a person for the experience.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Mixed emotions and missing free hands and freedom, period, are both perfectly normal, and no amount of research can prepare a person for the experience.

This is what I need to hear and keep reminding myself.

Physically, I'm feeling better - not great, but I can feel progress. I've been taking hot baths, which is helping.

I think the lack of routine will be easier once Joe is gone. When I see him sleeping in bed, I just want to crawl in next to him and be happy he's there. Once he's gone, being up all night will be easier (I think).

We are taking family pictures today. It was the one thing I really wantedbefore Joe left. Hopefully, it will go well.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

Plei is wise, for she's been there more recently than I. It will get easier, but the change is gradual. The fastest thing should be your healing, so that's a plus, though I was tiiiired for ages. (But then, I could happily sleep 10 hours a night before I had a baby.) It's okay - I think in fact it's healthy - to complain as much as you need to.

I acutely felt this "I wish I could just be alone and not be TOUCHED all the time" phase. There were crying breakdowns. Is there a way you could go out alone - even if somebody has to drive you - to Borders or even Walmart to be in the AC and buy a decaf frappuccino and read People, or to pick a new color of nail polish? An hour might be satisfying. I never got this when I had a newborn, but oh how I wished for it!

The heartbreakingness of the situation with Joe's too-soon departure is just icing on the cake, isn't it? I am so sorry for this.

[minim_calibre]

Flea has good suggestions. Can Joe drive you for a pedicure? It's a short enough treat that Ellie should be able to cheerfully sleep in her car seat while Dad drives around with her during the event, and I bet it would feel incredible.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

You are both wise. I have found that my moods directly reflect how the night before went. Sometimes, I think I just need to express my frustration - makes me feel less isolated. I'm actually very lucky because my mom has truly been fantastic.

I think once Joe leaves (next Tuesday) I will try to do some *me* stuff. A pedicure sounds great, actually.