May. 10th, 2008 08:20 am
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I see haven't posted in a week! It's weird - being home with Frisco I spend a fair amount of time reading stuff online but I rarely seem to have time to actually type. This has been such a great week.

1. Tuesday was our 8th anniversary. These last few months have been a bit rough between Joe and I. Nothing major but the stress of his job and a new baby have sort of been taken out on each other, I think. Anyway, for our anniversary, Joe left his phones in the car (huge!) and we spent the day together. We had Frisco with us, but he's pretty easy going. We started out the day by dropping Ellie off at school and heading to the Caribe Hilton for breakfast. It's my favorite hotel here in San Juan and has really beautiful grounds. So, we had a great breakfast of fruit, pastries, and an omelette. I had fresh OJ, a mimosa, and awesome hot chocolate.

From there, we walked around a bit. We discovered a point over the water where you can see tons of tropical fish. Absolutely gorgeous blue, black, and yellow fish of all sizes just swimming in the surf. We watched them for a while and then went and hung out in a giant hammock under the palm trees. We talked for a while and then I nursed Frisco and we all napped. I think we sat there for maybe an hour. Then it looked like rain so we headed to the big mall here.

While we were there, I did some shopping. Ellie needed a new swimsuit and Frisco needed some pants and I got great deals. Then I went to Old Navy and got a few things for me. (I'm in that awkward post-pregnancy stage where my boobs are huge and my hips are plenty big too, but not big enough to still wear maternity stuff.) We then sat in the mall's nursing room for a bit while Frisco had his lunch. This room was really nice (two rockers and really cute) and pretty unusual here in PR. I wanted to be sure to use the room so the people who created it know it is appreciated. We then got Chinese for lunch and went to see Ironman. After the movie, we picked up Ellie, ran a few errands (I found a cute bike for Ellie's birthday. It does have characters (Dora) but it's not annoyingly pink. I've been looking for a bike for a while so I was really happy to find it.)

The really great thing about the day was that it served to remind me that I do really like who my husband is. He works really hard and sometimes I get frustrated that he doesn't have more time for me. But when he is away from his phone nad his computer, he's still the guy that I've been missing. So, being reminded that he still exists makes it easier to continue to put up with all the work stuff. One more year!

2. Speaking of Joe's job, it was confirmed yesterday that he will be promoted June 1st. Besides being super proud of him, I'm still sort of chuckling internally at how we ever got old enough for him to be a LTC. That's a rank for old people! Still, he has worked hard for it and deserves it. The rank also means a decent sized pay increase which will help me relax a bit on money issues. Things have been a bit tight since I quit working but shouldn't be so tight now.

3. My closest friend here, C, is pregnant. She had an ectopic pregnancy that landed her in the hospital last December. She hasn't confirmed yet that this pregnancy is okay (it's still too early) but I'm very hopeful for her.

4. I have sort of made a new friend. She and her husband are here in PR with the Army. She's a few years younger than me, but not by much. She is expecting a baby boy at the end of June. So, when she quits her job and has the baby, I'll have another friend to hang out with. This is good because while C is an awesome friend, she is really my only friend left here and I sometimes feel like I depend on her too much to meet my friend needs.

5. Frisco and Ellie have both been so cute lately in their own ways. Frisco can now laugh which is awesome. He has crossed that line from newborn to baby. It hit me this week that we are over half way through the nursing only phase of his life. I can't believe that. I think of him as so new but he's already 3.5 months old. I just remember feeling like Ellie and I had such a long time of just nursing. It's just one way of measuring time but the point is that time is going by quickly.

Last night in the tub, Ellie had all her ducks out and showed me the mommy duck, daddy duck (he has a surfboard), Ellie duck (this duck flashes and is from e_juliana), and the Frisco duck. She then puts the Ellie duck up to the Frisco duck and says, "Don't cry baby Frisco duck. Mommy's here," and then brings over the mommy duck. It was very cute.

6. Joe and Ellie are off this morning to buy me a "surprise." Ellie took her little purse and Joe gave her two dollars and she found a dime to put in there.

7. Yesterday, I went to a "lunch" at Ellie's school. Basically, I sat with her and the other kids in her room and some of the other moms. I was so impressed - Ellie can serve herself. They have scoops and deep spoons but I was genuinely surprised to see that she can do so much herself. And, she ate a ton of food. Two servings of rice and chicken and fruit. She skipped the cabbage and beans, but she did take some on her plate. When she was done, she got up, scraped off her plate, stacked her plate, washed her hands, brushed her teeth, got her mat and blanket and laid down for her nap. She really can do so much when Joe and I aren't around. Frisco laid down with her for a few minutes and then we left - with no crying. Very impressive! Anyway, the lunch was really nice and I truly enjoyed visiting with her.

8. Oh - I officially am no longer employed by the US Government! I turned in my credentials and access badges on Thursday. And my generator (so funny - it was in case of hurricanes). The thing I will miss the most is my airport pass since it let me get to any gate at any time and I could escort people too. But, I'm happy to be done with that place.
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They will both probably hate me posting this someday, but:

Ellie was helping me get Frisco dressed the other day and noticed that he has something she doesn't.

Ellie: Mommy, what dat?

Me: That's his penis. It's how he goes pee-pee.

Ellie: Frisco, dat you peanut!

The funnier thing is that every time I change him or he's in the bath, she points out his "peanut" to him.
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Well, it's not as dull as I remembered it being. I think this is mainly because Frisco is so little that he can really be bent to my schedule. I mean, yeah, it's not all cake, and he does have his moments, but mostly, he's easy. The hardest thing, I think, is that he's never happy at dinnertime so I'm either eating standing or eating sideways, trying not to spill food on him while he's in the Bjorn.

Still, there's not as much time as I remember either. 5:30 to 8:00 is taken up with getting me, Frisco, and Ellie dressed and dropping Ellie off at school. I try to leave the house no later than 3:30 to pick her up. So, I actually only have 7.5 hours - which still sounds like a ton but I bet I spend half of it nursing Frisco or holding him while he sleeps and getting him to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, this week he doesn't like the swing so much and seems to prefer the little bassinet I have. At night, we are doing much better - we are co-sleeping most of the night, although I still get up at least once to nurse him. We can only nurse lying down on my left side so I try to remember to have the right side coincide with a diaper change.

I think Frisco probably weighs over 10 lbs now. He's maybe about the size Ellie was at 2-3 month, although I should go back and check that. Speaking of Ellie, she's been having a hard time. Joe was gone Tuesday to Saturday and left again yesterday afternoon. I think he will be home on Friday. I've been trying to give her lots of extra attention and hugs, but it's hard to do when she's so whiny. The tiniest little thing sets her off and she's so touchy. Not exactly disobedient, but she doesn't respond to correction nearly as well as normal. Of course, she's had to share me 24/7 with Joe being gone and I know that makes it all worse. Her teachers tell me she's been the same way at school.

Then, last night, she went to sleep in her own bed and I woke up around 10:30 with her standing in the closet. I think she might have been looking for the bathroom. I tried to get her into her bed (no luck) and then my bed (no luck) so I actually fell asleep with her slouched against the edge of my bed with her head on my stomach. When I woke up over an hour later, she was still there and when I went to lift her into bed, she was soaked form the waist down and her skin was freezing form the air conditioner. (I assume she was going to the bathroom, got confused, fell asleep, and then had the accident.) I stripped her down and rolled her into bed and covered her up so she got warm. This morning, she woke up happy but started whining pretty quickly. I think we are doing all the right things and I know it will be easier when Joe is here. I just hope all the right things start helping quickly.


Feb. 29th, 2008 08:45 am
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Thanks to everyone for the comments/suggestions/kind words regarding my post from yesterday. I think I've decided to just leave the whole thing alone for the moment.  If anything happens before March 14th, I might do something but for now, I'm just going to hold off.

ION, Ellie slept in her "Cars" bed last night, falling asleep in her own bed for the first time ever.  (Not the cutest picture ever but I had to commemorate the moment.)  Also, Frisco slept for 5 hours in a row!  I win at life!!!

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Recent talk of children not sleeping made me want to share my night last night:

Everything was great until about 2:20 when Frisco woke up.  I got up and nursed him and apparently Joe was awake because he got up to keep me company.  Unfortunately, this woke up Ellie who spent 20 minutes sitting next to me on the couch screaming, "Mommy!" while I nursed Frisco.  With Frisco now asleep, I headed off to bed with Ellie around 3:00 and laid there and cuddled with her until she fell asleep. Of course, as soon as I handed Frisco to Joe, he woke up and started crying his pitiful little newborn cry.  As I lay there with Ellie, I could tell Joe was trying everything to no avail.  Finally, around 3:20, Ellie fell asleep so I got up to tend to Frisco.  As I was getting him settled, Ellie woke up again (she was probably not totally asleep when I left the first time, feeling stressed about getting to Frisco), so to make everyone happy, I just took Frisco to bed and all four of us tried to get some sleep.

Except that Frisco is not big enough yet for us to nurse successfully in the dark so I kept turning the light on to check his latch and so on.  This would prompt Ellie to sit up and see what was going on.  Finally, around 4:00, Ellie was truly asleep and Frisco was fussing/crying, so I got up, changed his diaper, and laid down with him on the couch.  At 4:30, he needed another diaper change so I just gave up and sat out on the couch with him.  I slept there until about 7:30 when Ellie woke up.  Thankfully, my mom got up at the same time and basically ordered me back to bed when I told her about our night.  I rested/slept in bed until around 9:00, when I was awoken by Ellie putting a quarter on my face.  By that time, I felt human again.

Last Day

Jan. 18th, 2008 09:41 am
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1. Today is my last day of work! Technically, I'm going on maternity leave, but I won't be back absent some major changes - in me, in the work place, and so on. I'm hoping to do some pro bono and/or private imigration work, but not for at least six months.

2. I've been plagued all week with dreams and worries that the baby will come before I get on the plane on Sunday. I guess it's a combination of feeling very pregnant and having *everyone* say stuff to me about looking "ready to go", "very tired", or "different".

3. My mom called me last night to tell me that it's -2 at their house. I'm so excited for winter, but, dude, that's cold!! I have a great winter jacket but there's no way it will fit over me. My mom has clothes/jacket/boots/everything else for Ellie already and I'm sure they will have something I can borrow. I'm bringing a carry-on but I might bring two since I've paid for two seats.

4. Speaking of packing, I made a list of what I want to take. We are going to try to go to the beach in the morning - sort of a "last outing as a family of 3" activity. We have a triplet 2 year birthday but they blew off Ellie's party and we are just one of many guests so we may bail if I'm feeling tired.

5. I washed the car seat cover for the baby car seat last night. Ellie, of course, delcared it to be hers (she's not wrong, I guess) and we have convinced her to share it with her baby brother. Joe was saying how nice it was to just *have* everything already. My response was, "yeah, since this baby isn't getting anything new, the least we can do is wash it for him." I feel a bit bad - Ellie's room was painted, furnished, and organized at least 3 weeks before she was born. This time, I have done nothing except make organized piles of the baby clothes people have given me. I'll organize but I just don't have the time now. Once we are back, I'll spend a few days getting stuff arranged the way I want it. Ellie's room is, and has always been, basically a storage closet for all her stuff. Other than to pick out her clothes, she's never in there. So, I'll rearrange the storage but I don't see this baby spending much time in there either.
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 1.  Had my ultrasound yesterday.  Baby is big, head down, and looks healthy.  Of, and still a boy.  We got to see his face (he has hair! somehow that makes him seem cuter to me) and see him sucking.  I was able to identify which body parts are kicking me where.  Joe got to come - his first ultrasound that wasn't for a miscarriage.  I know he went because I wanted him to but it still meant a lot that he came.

2.  Made the dogs flight arrangements today.  I'm very happy to have that done and relieved to find out that they get to stay at Continental's dog kennel for a few hours.  The nice thing is that they will get to pee and stretch a bit before the second flight.  It's a longish layover but I feel good about the whole thing.  $638 one way but that's way less than if we left them with someone here while I'm gone. 

3.  Can you get carpal tunnel in your knuckles?  I've been waking up with really sore knuckles this week.  I know it's pregnancy related, and I've read more about carpal tunnel in your wrists, but my knuckles are starting to hurt so much that it's uncomfortable to drive or type.  Thankfully, only a few more weeks, I guess.

4.  Ellie was happy to go back to preschool today.  This made me happy both for her, because I think she missed her friends, and because I've decided to just come back here after the baby comes.  I had to take a turn to the ATM before daycare and when I turned the wrong way, Ellie started saying, "See friends! See friends!" and pointing back towards the daycare. 
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I'm at 34 weeks as of today and had my most recent appointment last Thursday.  I now weigh 212 lbs, which is a bit depressing, but within the range for where I started at.  The baby is growing and about the size he should be.  When Ellie heard the heartbeat, she said, "That Ellie's baby brother!" which was pretty cute.  I'm supposed to have another ultrasound next week just to be sure that the baby is properly positioned.  (This confuses me - the midwife says he still might change positions in the next few weeks, so I'm not sure what they are checking for, but no complaints here.)

I am totally counting down the days until I'm done working (about 20).  This week will be 3 days only, then a 4 day week, then two five day weeks.  I need to get moving on the dogs' flight to New Mexico as that date is coming very soon. 

I think I've decided to stay in New Mexico until the end of Feb and then come home.  I'll have just over 2 weeks at home which isn't a lot but I feel happy with that decision.

My parents are here until Thursday.  It's nice having them around and being done with all the festivities.  My mom helped me take down the tree today and put away all the Christmas decorations.  It's a bit sooner than normal but the tree was *very* dry and the trash men came today.  If not today, we would have had to wait an entire week to have the tree taken away.  Now I just have to find a place for all Ellie's presents.  I'm hoping to get my bags packed for New Mexico by Tuesday so my parents can take them with them.  Ellie's clothes are mostly already in New Mexico (they just stayed in October since the weather is so different here and there) so I just have to send the baby stuff, winter maternity stuff, and post-baby stuff.)

One cool thing about this stage of pregnancy with this baby.  It often feels like he's trying to push his way out the side or top or something.  He moves around a lot and I've really been able to feel distinct body parts this week.  Last night, I'm certain that I was putting my hand arund his little butt/back.  Very hard and way to big for an appendage.


Dec. 28th, 2007 07:38 am
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I am conflicted about my travel this next few months and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do.

Here is my proposed travel schedule for the next 6 months:

Jan 20 - Feb 28 - parents' house in New Mexico to have baby.
Mar 15 - April 15 - 4 days in Chicago with grandparents and then brother's house in Minnesota to visit family and stay with SIL when she has baby (due Apr 1).
May 20 - June 30 - parents' house again because Joe will be in Kentucky for that time

Now, I've already been feeling like that's too much time away.  Joe and I had been talking about stopping at his parents' house on the way back in April for 3-4 days but we've already cut that out and I had decided to come home from Minnesota a week early in April so I had a bit more time here.

The dates of these trips are somewhat non-negotiable.  My baby is coming when he's coming and I don't want to have him here.  Joe has Spring Break (the only real time he can leave) at the end of March and my SIL's baby is due April 1.  Joe's dates in Kentucky are set by the Army.

So, I was all set to buy the tickets at the times I had mentioned above when Joe and I started comparing calendars again.  It turns out that he has a work related trip the last week of Feb. *and* the first week of March.  This would mean that if I go home at the planned upon time, I would basically be home alone the first two weeks.  Neither of us wants that.  But, if I stay at my parents until he is done with his trips, I would have just a week back in PR and then be leaving for Chicago.  That seems like way too much travel, especially with Ellie and new baby Frisco.

The end result of all this is that the most convenient and cheapest solution is for me to leave PR on Jan 20; fly to Chicago with Joe on Mar 14; fly with the kids to MN on Mar 19, and stay until April 15.  (Makes no sense to leave MN early because Joe has another trip April 9-13).  Then, we would go back to New Mexico around May 20 and stay until June 30th.   WRT time and money, this plan makes the most sense, but emotionally, I don't want to spend this much time away from home.

When I try to figure out *why* I don't want to be gone from home so much, a few things come to mind.  I will miss my (rather few) friends here.  I want them to meet my baby.  I want to be at my home with my baby.  Our home is not cozy or comfortable (due mostly to the climate here) but it is home.  Plus, there's the whole issue of Ellie and preschool.  If we are here, Ellie will be in preschool, meaning that I don't have to watch 2 kids full time.  And, I want her to be in preschool when we come back, so I don't want to just take her out permanently, but that's $500 month we are spending just to save her spot.

But I think, more than anything, it feels unfair to me to take her out for so long.  She really likes the preschool and her teachers and friends there.  She talks about it all the time.  She has learned a lot there and they all really like her.  IN other words, she fits in well that and I feel bad taking her out for what amounts to almost 5 months.  I know her world will change when her brother is here but I wanted her to still have her own little social sphere that was little-brother-free.

Ugh!  I just don't know what to do.  It seems dumb to be here, alone with Ellie and a newborn, when I could be with family.  But it also seems like it will be work to stay with family because Ellie won't have preschool to occupy her. (Not that I can't parent two kids at the same time, but it's just that it's not actually a huge break (for me) to stay with family so long.)

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Okay, first, I actually like the holidays.  And I think that's why I'm feeling down.  It's just impossible for me to get into the holiday spirit when it's so hot and humid.  Who feels like having hot chocolate and wearing warm fuzzy socks while hanging up ornaments in the heat.

Actually, today is very gray and rainy - it was 68 when I got it my car which is almost the lowest temperature I've ever seen here.  And normally I like gray and rainy.  But I think what's getting me down is that I keep getting these sort of emotional flashbacks from last year at this time.  I'd been working for two weeks and really missed Ellie.  And I was feeling like sort of a bad mom for leaving her at daycare because she cried every time I left her.

Most days, I have to convince her to come home with me.  But this morning, none of her regular teachers were in her room yet.  I left her with another teacher who I know, but it just felt different, which to me usually means bad, and that's how I felt all the time when I was leaving her last year, so I'm thinking that I'm just revisiting those feelings from last year. 

Well, this was very whiny and rambly.  I can't wait until January when I get to go to New Mexico and see some snow!  (Oh, and have a baby!)  Seriously, I'm excited about the baby but I hope Ellie and I get a few chances to play in some snow.  I'm totally going to wait until after Christmas and buy Ellie one of those crazy Hanna Andersson snowsuits.
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I wrote more details about this over at Ellie's blog,  but Ellie came home last night.  It was really great to have her back.  I could not get over how much she seems to have gotten older in just a week.  I'm not exactly sure what it is - partly vocabulary, partly how she's using words she already knows, and partly because she just seems more independant.

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Ellie and my dad are on a plane in Houston right now, waiting to take off and come back to Puerto Rico.  Overall, this trip has been a total success.  My parents loved having Ellie there, she apparently loved being there, and Joe and I really enjoyed the break from parenting.  Also, it seems that Ellie made excellent progress towards sleeping through the night without nursing and we are going to try very hard to maintain that once she gets home.  We have all joked that home will seem boring after visiting Grandma and Grandpa, but my mom also says Ellie is really looking forward to seeing us.

It's weird - I had major misgivings about going from "never spent a night away from mom" to a week away, but it did not appear to bother her at all.  According to my mother, there was no "adjustment" phase or any crying about missing us.  As for me, well,, leaving her at the airport was very hard, but this entire week, I was very happy to know that she was having fun and trying new things.  The first two days were the hardest, but then it got easier.

I think we will try to make this a bi-yearly event - although not next spring because we will be visiting my parents in February when the baby comes and then in May/June while Joe is in Washington.  Still, it's nice to have a small break and know with certainty that Ellie is enjoying herself and being well cared for.

I did have a few insights due to her absence.  First, I knew this, but having a child is the reason our house is always a mess.  It makes me feel better to know that I can still keep a house organized and clean, but that it is the little tornado living here that makes it impossible.  It's not just that she makes messes, but caring for her takes up that time that I might otherwise use to just straighten up.

Second, being pregnant is not what it wearing me down - it is being pregnant and caring for Ellie while working full time.  I think I could do two of the three just fine, but it's that third one that means I'm exhausted at the end of the day.

Third, I was always one of those people who thought of my dogs as kids.  I have no problem with people who refer to their dogs as their kids and I can see why they do it.  However, it really hit me this week, when we had just dogs and no kid, that dogs are about a thousand times easier than kids.  You walk them, feed them, and pet them occasionally, and they are happy.   And if you want to run out for dinner or to get coffee or something, they just stay at the house.

Finally, before Ellie left, she was nursing basically just at bedtime/naptime and if she woke in the night (which happened maybe 3 nights a week).  I was very sore from nursing while pregnant and there's no milk left.  Also, my brain knows that Ellie will like her baby brother better if she's not still nursing when he comes.  Despite all that, my heart is a little bit sad that I may have nursed her for the last time.  I guess I should focus on being glad that we got to nurse for two and a half years.  When we started, I had absolutely no idea how much it would mean to me.  I thought about it a lot the week before she left, so it's not like it's unexpected for me.  I didn't talk to Ellie about it, which I now regret, but I didn't think about it after she left.  Still, my mom said she didn't ask to nurse when I wasn't there and Joe is going to take over bedtime for a week or two here.  I'm hoping it's just me that will have to make the emotional adjustment and that Ellie is ready.  If she's just not ready, she can still nurse, but I'd like to avoid that. 

Well, my dad just called - the plane is due to take off in a few minutes.  Oh the coolest part of their return trip - because of my job, I have a airport ID badge that I've never used but it's supposed to let me in anywhere in the airport.  So, Joe and I are going to try to meet them at the gate.  I can't wait to see her!
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 So, I'm back to that point in life where I think about posting stuff but never have time to actually do it.  Here's a bullet list of stuff on my mind:

1.  Our house was invaded by ants last night - maybe thousands of them.  They were attracted to the dog food, but there were so many of them that I had to spray them.  I hate exposing Ellie, the dogs, the baby, and myself to that stuff, but these ants bite and Ellie reacts badly to them.  Anyway, trying to yank her up out of the ants, I banged her toes on the doorjam.  I know it really hurt and I felt really bad about it.

2.  I had such a great vision of having roast chicken for dinner and then eating leftovers for the rest of the week.  The roast chicken, however, took forever last night and Ellie and I were both hungry and tired by the time it was done.  And, the chicken turned out to be scrawny so it was a lot of work for not much meat.

3.  I rearranged my week to do something with my coworkers tonight.  Not something fun, but they all want to get together and file some sort of complaint against our supervisor.  While I agree she's difficult at times, none of what they are bitching about qualifies as an EO complaint (their first idea) or a union grievance (their second).  I agreed to go out of solidarity, but I'd already decided not to sign anything.  Then, today, they cancel because someone is too busy.  

4.  Literally as we were standing next to the car this morning, getting ready to leave, Ellie had an accident.  She had wanted to wear panties and wanted to put on two pair, so I let her.  I feel bad that she didn't even make it to school, although I wasn't upset or anything.  I didn't mind, but I had to take her in, rinse her off, and change her shorts, socks, and shoes.  I felt bad for her and I know she felt bad but it all made me late for work.  Plus, I couldn't make her hair look as cute as I normally would which always makes me a bit sad.  

5.  Finally, being pregnant in PR is stressing me out.  My first doctor misled me (intentionally, I don't know) into believing that there were no natural childbirth options in a hospital here in PR.  I picked a midwife, and I liked her, but Joe wasn't totally behind the idea yet so I never finalized anything with her.  I ended up picking this midwife practice for my routine prenatal care and I realy really like them a lot.  But the hospital is 3rd world, they don't support breastfeeding, and I don't think they have sufficient facilities for any sort of NICU problem.  

I think the homebirth midwife was pushing me to see if this was what I really wanted, but it sort of makes me feel like she doesn't want me as a patient.  I called another very highly recommended midwife, but she is already full for February.  Then I found out there is a very pro-breastfeeding hospital that does waterbirths, but only with one doctor.  And...he won't take me because I'm too far along (he says it's too high risk.  I don't get that.  I understand he doesn't want to add patients but I don't see how it's high risk.  Anyway...)  I finally got ahold of the original midwife, Vanessa.  Joe and I are totally agreed we want a homebirth now, but she still keeps mentioning other options.  I don't get it.  She said, again, that she just wants to make sure I feel that I have choices, but it really feels like she doesn't want me as a patient.  Now, I've been calling her to confirm our Thursday appointment and she's never home and never returns my calls.  I'm starting to feel really stuck and at 19 weeks, while I have plenty of time for baby, I don't have pletny of time for finding care.  And the fact that I'm still not feeling the baby kick is really stressing me out.  If I do go with this midwife, I think I'm going to have to be very open with her and ask her if she doesn't want me for some reason and why she's so hard to reach.  :(  Who would have thought my husband-less first birth would be the easy one.  
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 First, the really exciting news - Ellie slept by herself in her own bed last night from 9:00pm until 4:00am.  That is huge, people!  We still have not mastered the art of her self-settling back to sleep, but I'm feeling successful with 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Of course, it took me forever to fall asleep because I was hoping she was okay over there in the corner and not cold or something.

Not much going on with the pregnancy.  I've gained about 11lbs.  Most of that I gained keeping the nausea at bay and I've remained about where I am now for the last 8 weeks or so.  I am a little freaked out about gaining too much weight since I never quite got to my pre-Ellie weight.  Still, I'm trying to accept that I will go over 200 lbs this time (honestly, no healthy way around that) and I think I'll just step away from the scale when it happens.

I bought a bunch of new maternity clothes over the weekend.  It's sad - I have tons of stuff from last time, but 80% of it is either too hot or too casual for me to wear here.  I got mostly longer-sleeved stuff for work ( this building is so cold!) and super casual tanks and shorts for at home.  It's so nice not to be wearing the same overall shorts I've been wearing after work for almost two weeks.

For a long time, I was imagining this baby as a boy and I was having a really hard time connecting to him on any level.  However, I now feel that the baby is a girl - partly because I feel much more able to connect to the baby if I imagine her as a girl.  That may well be just because I already have a daughter.  I'll be happy either way; I'm just feeling happy to have some sense of connection.  I've been feeling the baby move some, no kicks yet, and that has been nice.

I was totally dreading today at work, but so far, at just over half way, the day has gone okay.  I'm enjoying the job more and I know I will miss the work when I'm gone, but I'm still committed to leaving once the baby comes. 
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No real point to this post, except that this morning was such an example of TWO:

Ellie wanted to feed the dogs, and I let her.  Then, to be bad, she scooped the water into the food bowl.  When I, from across the room, told her to stop, she did it again.  I grabbed the scoop from her, told her that it was bad to pour water in the dog's food and picked up the food and water to avoid future problems.  Three minutes later, when it was time to leave and the dogs had eaten their food, she wanted to take the food bowls outside, except that the bowls were empty now, so she wanted "mas" dog food.  I told her no, they had eaten enough and after a few back and forths ("mas!" "no, Ellie, they already ate" x about 15) I picked up the bowls and put them on the table.  In protest, Ellie threw herself on the floor which lasted while I loaded up the car.  I came back in and asked her if she wanted to turn off the light (she likes that a lot).  While she was getting up, her shoe came off and when I tried to help her, she collapsed on the floor again, over the shoe.  Now, it was time to go so I turned off the light, grabbed her and the shoe and put her in the carseat to screams of "Ellie turn off light!  

It wasn't a particularly bad morning.  I know that part of two is being stubborn and I don't mind the occasional fit over not getting what she wants.  That's also part of two, learning limits.  But part of me feels just a tiny bit bad for her that she's so sad over her missed light opportunity and the other part of me wishes I could help her see that if she would just get up off the floor, then she would have a chance to turn off the light.

There's probably a life lesson in here, but I don't see it right now.  I just felt like sharing our morning.

(There was also the part where she insisted she did not have to use the potty, insisted I put a diaper on her instead of a pull-up, promptly peed in the diaper, then took it off and handed it to me.  "Mommy, diaper wet!")  Does it get easier at 3?  

(Stupid me, I *know* that's dumb question)
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Our friends who were visiting last weekend have been staying at the Caribe Hilton since Thursday.  (This was always part of the plan, not because they didn't like us.)  The Hilton is the best hotel in San Juan, in my opinion, and has the really beautiful grounds/pool/beach area that I have always wanted to hang out in but they restrict it to guests.  Since our friends were guests, guess where we spent most of the weekend?  Our friends even had an extra bed and we napped in it on both Saturday and Sunday.  (They actually wanted u s to spend the night and I had to explain, twice, that Ellie goes to bed at 8:30, meaning the room needs to be quiet, and more importantly, she wakes up at 6, pretty much no matter what.)

Anyway, except for the fact that I couldn't really drink a pina colada (I had a virgin and it sucked), it was a great time.  The pools are all right next to the ocean and the first day we were in the shade and the second day it was cloudy enough to not be hot.  Ellie had a great time swimming with me, with Joe, and by herself (while supervised!).  They even have a few 18 inch pools which were a lot of fun for her.  She likes to swim with those arm floaties, but she isn't very efficient in her movements.  When she can walk and splash, it's way more fun.  

The other awesome part of the weekend was napping in their room.  They were either watching TV or out and about, but Ellie was exhausted both days.  She curled up with me the first day and with Joe and me the second day and napped for about two hours each day.  I love sleeping under a down comforter and having a warm sleeping baby next to you is awesome (until you have to pee).  Anyway, it was a good weekend, and I managed to get 90% of the laundry done, so I feel like I was both relaxed, and I got all the chores done.
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Our internet has been down at home so I've been using my iPhone to read, but not post.  Here's the summary version of my life:

1.  Ellie fell out of bed last night and hit her head.  I felt so bad and that thud is just sickening.  She seemed okay and I dind't see a lump, but I still feel like a Bad Mommy.  Other than that, Ellie seems to be doing fine - saying all sorts of funny things and generally impressing her parents.

2.  I have my ultrasound tomorrow.  (I think.) Hopefully, the baby will cooperate and we can see the gender.

3.  Work has been...weird.  The people in my office have been mean and vicious, but the new boss (old boss left last week) and our Big!Boss in Miami have been very supportive.  Hopefully, the idea of training is put on hold until after the baby comes.  Oh, and the me-switching-to-my-old-position isn't going to happen because apparently even if I"m not valued here, I am at our headquarters.

4.  I got an email from a contact about possibly working with a pro bono immigrant advocacy thing in some capactiy.  We have to talk on the phone and I won't know more until then.  It's possible that this could lead to something like the non-profit I mentioned here a few months ago, but it's a long shot.

5.  I'm more and more leaning towards not coming back here when the baby is born.  I think I've learned what I can and the money isn't worht the stress.  Plus, child care for two is very expensive and leaves me with about $400 a month after childcare and loan payments.  So, we will see. 
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Thanks to [personal profile] stephl and [personal profile] e_juliana, I was totally craving good food yesterday.  Pregnancy has made meat very unappealing so sushi was sounding great.  Joe was going to bring some home but at the last minute he decided that we should all go out.  We went to our favorite sushi restaurant here and ordered all our favorites.  Ellie got to sit by the fish tank and between the fish, the ginger, the miso soup, and the rice, she was so busy and entertained.  We had a wonderful and peaceful meal (a rarity with a two-year old) and afterwrads we walked down to this nearby park.  There is a really cool fountain that fascinated Ellie for a bit and then we went to walk down by the beach.  There was a cool walkway that Ellie loved and we saw a hermit crab.  The hermit crab was tiny and Joe held it so Ellie could get a good look at it.  Then, down on the rocks, we saw lots of big crabs walking around and jumping from rock to rock.  And, finally, on the walk back, we saw a one-eyed cat hunting in the grass.  Ellie seems to like kitties now, from a distance, and she was talking about the crabs and the cat all the way home. 

In summary, great food, great time, and great walk afterwards. 
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I had so much fun this past weekend. Words can’t express how grateful I am to my colleague for letting me trade time off with her.

  1. Yes, there was some snarking at the bridezilla moments and at the groom’s excessive drinking/partying groomsmen, (who may not be intellectual giants, but I can see that they obviously worked hard in college at something. They were all awesome and very entertaining dancers.) but mostly it was a lot of fun.
  2. The food all weekend was great – some rich, some just yummy, and I hardly felt sick at all.
  3. I had to work to keep an eye on Ellie – she just got passed from my parents to my aunts/uncles to my cousins to my brother/SIL, and so on. She loves my brother – she shouted “ERIC!” (he was the best man) when she saw him in front for the wedding.
  4. The bride and groom left the church to bubbles – Ellie was given everyone’s bubble containers and thought she was leaving with precious treasure.
  5. I got to see every aunt and uncle I have and a few cousins that I rarely see. I had fun hanging out with my SIL.
  6. I got to go to Target! I got lots of maternity pants to wear to work.
  7. Anyway, the entire time was so much fun. It totally erases how upset I was initially at being 5 hours late (3 in the airport, 2 on the plane). Ellie was great on both flights. I could not believe how well she did on the 5 hour flight from Chicago – she did make about 6 trips to the bathroom but the guy next to us was very friendly was impressed that she would say “merpiso” (sort of a mixed up permiso because he was from PR) each time she had to get by.
  8. Oh, and my brother, IT director that he is, and my cousin the groom, were super jealous and admiring of my iPhone. The iPhone saved the day numerous times, directing us various places, getting phone numbers of restaurants, and playing the Little Einsteins for Ellie on the play.

Sick Baby

Jun. 18th, 2007 04:07 pm
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Ellie woke up last night around 1am with a low fever (100).  Since she still had it when we woke up, I stayed home with her.  I feel like a bit of a shammer because she seems basically herself, although a bit more whiny, but obviously, it's not good for her or the other kids for her to go with a fever. 

Today, however, has just served to remind me how I don't like my job.  Someone asked me if I ever think about that baby that I would have had from my last pregnancy.   i don't much - I'm too emotionally prepared (read scarred) to have gotten very attached so quickly, but I did get excited about the idea that I would only have to work until Christmas time.  Since my friend left at the end of April, work is just not fun.  And my new position is  very stressful.

But the thing is...I'm not a quitter.  It just feels too much like a spoiled brat to just up and leave because I don't really like it.  Ellie would have to leave daycare full time if I quit.  I do like her going at least a few hours everyday.  I think it's as good for her as it is for me to have some adult time. 

I keep hoping that my dissatisfaction is simply my usual "I hate everything new" and will go away on its own in the next few weeks.


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June 2012

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