Ugh!

[ste_noni]

I am conflicted about my travel this next few months and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do.

Here is my proposed travel schedule for the next 6 months:

Jan 20 - Feb 28 - parents' house in New Mexico to have baby.
Mar 15 - April 15 - 4 days in Chicago with grandparents and then brother's house in Minnesota to visit family and stay with SIL when she has baby (due Apr 1).
May 20 - June 30 - parents' house again because Joe will be in Kentucky for that time

Now, I've already been feeling like that's too much time away.  Joe and I had been talking about stopping at his parents' house on the way back in April for 3-4 days but we've already cut that out and I had decided to come home from Minnesota a week early in April so I had a bit more time here.

The dates of these trips are somewhat non-negotiable.  My baby is coming when he's coming and I don't want to have him here.  Joe has Spring Break (the only real time he can leave) at the end of March and my SIL's baby is due April 1.  Joe's dates in Kentucky are set by the Army.

So, I was all set to buy the tickets at the times I had mentioned above when Joe and I started comparing calendars again.  It turns out that he has a work related trip the last week of Feb. *and* the first week of March.  This would mean that if I go home at the planned upon time, I would basically be home alone the first two weeks.  Neither of us wants that.  But, if I stay at my parents until he is done with his trips, I would have just a week back in PR and then be leaving for Chicago.  That seems like way too much travel, especially with Ellie and new baby Frisco.

The end result of all this is that the most convenient and cheapest solution is for me to leave PR on Jan 20; fly to Chicago with Joe on Mar 14; fly with the kids to MN on Mar 19, and stay until April 15.  (Makes no sense to leave MN early because Joe has another trip April 9-13).  Then, we would go back to New Mexico around May 20 and stay until June 30th.   WRT time and money, this plan makes the most sense, but emotionally, I don't want to spend this much time away from home.

When I try to figure out *why* I don't want to be gone from home so much, a few things come to mind.  I will miss my (rather few) friends here.  I want them to meet my baby.  I want to be at my home with my baby.  Our home is not cozy or comfortable (due mostly to the climate here) but it is home.  Plus, there's the whole issue of Ellie and preschool.  If we are here, Ellie will be in preschool, meaning that I don't have to watch 2 kids full time.  And, I want her to be in preschool when we come back, so I don't want to just take her out permanently, but that's $500 month we are spending just to save her spot.

But I think, more than anything, it feels unfair to me to take her out for so long.  She really likes the preschool and her teachers and friends there.  She talks about it all the time.  She has learned a lot there and they all really like her.  IN other words, she fits in well that and I feel bad taking her out for what amounts to almost 5 months.  I know her world will change when her brother is here but I wanted her to still have her own little social sphere that was little-brother-free.

Ugh!  I just don't know what to do.  It seems dumb to be here, alone with Ellie and a newborn, when I could be with family.  But it also seems like it will be work to stay with family because Ellie won't have preschool to occupy her. (Not that I can't parent two kids at the same time, but it's just that it's not actually a huge break (for me) to stay with family so long.)