Oct. 21st, 2007 09:03 am
ste_noni: (Default)
RIght this moment, Ellie is on a plane with my mom. They are on their way to New Mexico for a week! (sob!) Actually, I'm okay. I'm mostly bummed because the house is a mess and I know I won't be able to relax until it's clean.

This morning, I was praying that Ellie and my mom would make it safely to New Mexico. I've been bothered by these thoughts of the plane crashing. Anyway, just as we got to the plane (they let me go all the way to the gate!), there was this awesome rainbow outside the window! It was so beautiful and I told my mom it must be a sign. She agreed with me and then took Ellie to the bathroom. After they left, I started thinking, "hey, it is just a rainbow, they happen all the time, just because it was a sign for Noah doesn't mean it's one for me", and then I was worrying again. Now, I swear this next part is true. As I looked up at the rainbow again, it became a double rainbow! I actually laughed and said, "Okay, God, I get the message."

Ellie gave me a hug and kiss and then walked onto the plane. I'm not positive she realized I wasn't coming too because she was so eager to get on the plane, but she seemed very excited.

Back on May 6, 2005, I wrote this in my journal :

But the realization that May 26th is my last day alone made me a bit sad. I guess that's because it's my last day alone EVER. I will spend the next 6 months with my parents and Joe will be back when I leave them. And, Peaberry will be with me for a very long time to come. She may not talk for a while, but I am about to lose the complete freedom that had been the best (but loneliest) part of being alone all the time. The good part of being alone is that I eat what I want when I want and never have to explain why dinner isn't better or why the clean laundry is on the table, or why the house is a mess. When it bugs me, I fix it. If I want to watch 5 episodes of Farscape or Buffy in one night, I can.

In the end, I know I would always chose to have someone around. It makes the moments of alone time more precious and is ultimately more healthy for me. But I guess I had better appreciate these last 21 days of complete extended aloneness since I may be 50 before it happens again.

So, it didn't take 50 years, but it did take 2.5. It's so weird being all alone. (Joe is in GA until tomorrow.)

eta: The comment about watching 5 episodes of Buffy of Farscape is particularly funny to me.  I dont't think I've watched two episodes of anything, let alone five, in the last two years.  If I didn't have a Tivo, I would never get to watch TV.


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