The Difference

[ste_noni]

Joe and I were talking about the difference between men and women last night (always dangerous when making generalizations that big). Somehow, my thoughts turned to Lance Armstrong.

This would have more impact if you are a cycling fan, but I was thinking about a particular moment back in the 2003 Tour de France. Lance was climbing a really steep mountain and all the top guys were right at the front with him. Suddenly, his handlebars caught on a bag being held by a spectator and he was on the ground in an instant. Everyone else kept going. although they did slow the pace down. Lance got up and back on his bike. He then slipped trying to get in his pedals and banged himself on the top bar of his bike but kept going. Before he had looked tired, but now he just looked angry. This had been a Tour of stupid things happening at critical points. He caught up to his competition, who looked surprised to see him, and then he kept right on going. He was climbing up a very steep mountain after days of riding, but fueled by adrenalin he somehow found the strength to leave everyone else in the dust. It was amazing to watch. I read yesterday in a bike magazine that when he walked in the trailer at the end of that ride, he yelled, in a triumphant way, to his team director "How do you like me now? How do you fucking like me now?"

When I gave birth to Ellie, that is exactly how I felt. Instead of being emotional and crying, I felt like I had just rocked the entire world. I was exhausted but I was on the greatest high of my life. It was hours before I could sleep. When I got to hold Ellie again after they had checked her out, all I could think as I looked at her was "We did it, baby! You and I rocked that whole L&D thing!" My feelings surprised me because they didn't seem very "maternal." I've spent some time trying to figure out why I felt so *great* that day and why I didn't cry when she was born. Then, reading about Lance's reaction to his fall that day, I realized that his reaction and mine were pretty similar, although I also got a baby out of it and he just got more fame and a trophy.

And that was my point to Joe last night. i got the most amazing experience ever and I didn't have to be a top world class athlete and travel to France to get it. And I got my sweet baby Ellie and, in my very-biased-but-I-don't-care opinion, she is the greatest thing ever.

Comments

[cindywrites.livejournal.com]

I'm not a cycling fan, but I completely get this.

Similarly, but not as sweet, wait until the first time you feel Ellie might be in danger. Your body will surprise you. You will feel like a lion. We know there is great power in love. It is the greatest power, really. Love is softness and tenderness, sure, but it is always power. It is usually happy to be quiet, but when it wakes up for whatever reason--wow.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

It's technically a chemical-induced thing - I can't remember what's endorphins and what's adrenaline, but it's one or the other. Not to be all logical on your parade! I was exactly the same way after giving birth - I barely slept the next night, despite having had no sleep the night before and having just done a physically tiring thing.

Also, this read very differently when I mistakenly read "Louis Armstrong."

[cindywrites.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful word...

[cindywrites.livejournal.com]

Duh. World.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I wondered what you were trying to say. Blame it on stress - you have plenty.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

No - the chemical aspect of it is important too. I grew up in Minnesota - very Scandanavian, Lake Wobegon, stoic, and hyper-modest sort of place. Self- celebration was not encouraged. For a while, I felt bad that I felt so great after labor - like I was being arrogant or self-congratulatory or something. But when I realized that is the the endorphins (or whatever) that *makes* you feel that way, I felt free to enjoy my happy feelings. From that perspective, feeling so awesome is what I was supposed to feel and is the body's natural response.

[maidengurl.livejournal.com]

I so get this. Yes.

[fufaraw]

That's a great story, and a good analogy. Did Joe understand what you were saying?

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I don't think so, but my doula made a good point to me about this. She said he probably won't get it until he's there for (hypthetical) baby #2 but that baby $2's birth will be special to him because of that. I can live with that.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

ummm, that should be a #2, obviously.

[debg.livejournal.com]

You left out one more moment of that TdF ride, after he caught his bike in the musette handlebars. He went straight up the mountain and caught the sweet French kid who'd done the breakaway hours earlier, and just left him in a cloud of dust. The kid nearly got whiplash from the double-take.

But Lance paused, just a fractional pause, to pat the kid on the back as he went.

That may be my perfect Lance Armstrong moment. And as a cycling fan and also as a cancer survivor, the man rocks my world.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Lance is a real inspiration which is sort of rare in the sports world.

[amy37.livejournal.com]

I love that you felt this way! I didn't cry, although I did sleep (of course, I could sleep during an earthquake), but the feeling of triumph ROCKED.