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Looking back
Dec. 24th, 2005 10:56 am[cross-post with b.org]
In 2005, Ellie was born and Joe came home. Both were huge for me and I can't say thank you enough to all the people (both in person, in prayer and online) who helped me and supported me through all that.
Ellie is such a complete joy. Yes, she takes a lot of energy and I worry a lot, but I enjoy her so much. Very occasionally, I resent the never-endingness of motherhood, but mostly I love it. I can't even begin to explain how much I love her. Words fail.
At the same time, 2005 has been such a difficult year. I spent the first half of the year pregnant and alone. I spent the last third of the year trying to adjust to life with a husband home from a war and a new baby. There are things Joe and I need to work on. We spent an entire year learning to survive and be okay being apart. Now we are trying to reverse the process and learn to depend on each other. It's harder than I would have thought. Still, I know he loves me and is committed to us. I know he loves Ellie. In fact, watching him fall in love with her since he came home has been one of the most special things I have ever seen. She loves her daddy. He may be a complete failure at diaper changing but I don't worry anymore how he feels about her. And that's okay with me (about the diapers). I thought I would mind that I do the vast majority of the babywork but the truth is that Joe works 12+ hours a day. He does a lot too. I think we have a good balance. It's not perfect but life never is.
My hope for 2006 is that Joe and I will have more opportunities to spend time together. I used to worry a lot that the war and accompanying separation had drawn us too far apart. I think now that most of what has gone on is pretty normal, new baby stuff. Normal is reassuring to me.
I'm hoping to find a job in Puerto Rico in 2006 - something that is fun, challenging, allows me to use all this legal knowledge in my brain, and pays enough to cover childcare and student loans. I'm excited we will be moving, although I will miss the friends I have made in NC.
eta: Oh, and I passed the bar exam in 2005!
In 2005, Ellie was born and Joe came home. Both were huge for me and I can't say thank you enough to all the people (both in person, in prayer and online) who helped me and supported me through all that.
Ellie is such a complete joy. Yes, she takes a lot of energy and I worry a lot, but I enjoy her so much. Very occasionally, I resent the never-endingness of motherhood, but mostly I love it. I can't even begin to explain how much I love her. Words fail.
At the same time, 2005 has been such a difficult year. I spent the first half of the year pregnant and alone. I spent the last third of the year trying to adjust to life with a husband home from a war and a new baby. There are things Joe and I need to work on. We spent an entire year learning to survive and be okay being apart. Now we are trying to reverse the process and learn to depend on each other. It's harder than I would have thought. Still, I know he loves me and is committed to us. I know he loves Ellie. In fact, watching him fall in love with her since he came home has been one of the most special things I have ever seen. She loves her daddy. He may be a complete failure at diaper changing but I don't worry anymore how he feels about her. And that's okay with me (about the diapers). I thought I would mind that I do the vast majority of the babywork but the truth is that Joe works 12+ hours a day. He does a lot too. I think we have a good balance. It's not perfect but life never is.
My hope for 2006 is that Joe and I will have more opportunities to spend time together. I used to worry a lot that the war and accompanying separation had drawn us too far apart. I think now that most of what has gone on is pretty normal, new baby stuff. Normal is reassuring to me.
I'm hoping to find a job in Puerto Rico in 2006 - something that is fun, challenging, allows me to use all this legal knowledge in my brain, and pays enough to cover childcare and student loans. I'm excited we will be moving, although I will miss the friends I have made in NC.
eta: Oh, and I passed the bar exam in 2005!
