Life Update

[ste_noni]

The bar exam is in 12 days. I've been studying for this thing since May 4th. Surely that is enough time, but I am still fairly anxious about it.

ION, my dad is having a heart valve replaced on August 1st. He started having a hard time breathing about a week ago and left his high altitude home in NM for my brother's home in MN (where my parents health insurance will cover the surgery). My mom is pretty anxious about him, which I understand. My dad has insisted on putting the surgery off until after I take the bar exam so my mom can stay here and watch Ellie while I study/take the test, although in fairness, August 1st was about the soonest they could schedule it anyway.

So here's the problem. I've been studying about 4-6 hours a day since May 4th. I had a baby almost 6 weeks ago. I AM TIRED, but physically and emotionally. I just want a day off to not worry about anything. But, the day after the exam, my mom and I are driving to Minnesota. I know why we are leaving so soon - she's worried about my dad and I don't blame her. I would be too. But *I* want a break. Of course, I don't have to go to MN. I actually want to go just not on the day after the bar exam. But my mom has asked me to go. She really wants my presence/support. And it's 700 miles that I can't (or wont') drive by myself with a baby and two dogs. So I'm going. I just needed to get this off my chest. I *do not* want to complain to my mom. She has spent almost two months here with me so I could take the exam and not deliver Ellie on my own.

IOhappierN, Ellie has only woken up once in the night the last two nights. I say this very quietly lest she hear me, but I would love it if she would keep this up for a while.

Comments

[smonsterbite.livejournal.com]

::sings Ellie a lullaby::

Vent all you need, sweets, we're listening.

Good luck to you, and all kinds of -ma to your family.

[vwbug.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. That is so much to take on. Much health~ma to your dad and strength to you and your mom.

I TOTALLY understand the dialectic you have going on here - that you want to be there with your dad, but that you want a break after the bar. Please vent all you want and need. We're here.

Go Ellie with the sleeping! That's wonderful.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Val. I had a good conversation with my mom about it while we were out walking. At least I feel better knowing that she understands how I feel.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh good! I'm glad you were able to do that. Your mom seems very special. I'd hate for there to be any unkown tension there.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

I know this is a venting post, but I do have a practical suggestion. Could you suggest that you take one day off after the bar exam and before you drive to MN? It might be a great relief to you to know that that one day for you and you only is in there. You could pitch it to your mother that you'll be so frazzled from the bar that you won't be able to help driving. One day seems like a reasonable compromise between her worry and need to be there right away and your need for some rest.

It looks like we're never going to get a chance to see you and that beautiful child with all the stuff going on!

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

We actually talked about waiting a day yesterday. I think that is probably what will happen. it sort of depends on the day my dad's surgery is scheduled, but since we will be spending the night in Raleigh for the exam, I just don't see how we can leave the next morning.

It looks like we're never going to get a chance to see you and that beautiful child with all the stuff going on!

We will definitely come see you guys in October. Evie will probably find Ellie more interesting by then - right now she just looks at you.

[mearagrrl.livejournal.com]

Oof, that's a tough one. Good luck with ALL of it!

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I keep telling myself one day at a time. Such a cliche, but it's true.

[(Anonymous)]

Much ~ma, and if you need someone to take you out while you're in MN, let me know....

CARP!

[e-juliana.livejournal.com]

It's juliana offering to take you out, by the way.

D'oh.

Re: CARP!

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I figured! I don't know any other LJers in MN. I would love to get together while I'm up there. I'll have my own car this time, so I should be able to have a certain amount of freedom with my time. Perhaps we can pick some sort of baby-friendly activity? I'll e you after the bar once I can think beyond July 27th.

[jenlp.livejournal.com]

That's just a lot of stuff. I wish I had something more useful than good luck and good thoughts, but you do have those things coming your way.

Very quiet "yay" (so as not to jinx) for the good sleeping nights.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Thanks! We had another quiet night - always a good way to start the day.

[fufaraw]

I agree that one day doesn't seem like an awful lot to add. But I also understand your mom's anxiety to be with your dad, so, I also get why you're not pushing the idea. I think your family is wonderfully supportive of each other--and that includes you.

You'll do what needs be done, and you'll all deal. And once in MN, you will no doubt have some down time to relax. You could look at it as, rather than the break you've been aiming for after the bar, a break after the drive, maybe? It's just one more day for you to wait (yeah, and a drive, I know). In any case, all good thoughts to you and your family. And quiet congratulations and attagirls to Ellie.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

You'll do what needs be done, and you'll all deal. And once in MN, you will no doubt have some down time to relax.

This is all very true. I don't mind the drive. I will miss just chilling in my own house watching my own shows, but that's not worth stressing about. Plus, there's more baby help where I'm going, so I may be surprised at how relaxing it really is.