![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I had this post half written and then the program crashed and I lost it. Let me reconstruct:
I have always loved moving. I have lived all over the country/world and I like that because it has exposed me to lots of different people, weather, customs, languages, etc. However, having Ellie has changed a lot of that. Particularly with this move, I feel more alone. The feeling has been even more acute since my family has been visiting that last several days.
Moving so much means that we rarely have close friends nearby. I have many online friends, but Ellie has really cut into the time I have to spend online (as she should). When it was just Joe and I, we spent most of our free time doing stuff, either together outside of the house, or staying home together. We do take Ellie lots of places, but we don't have many breaks with her. I have left her with someone (not family members) maybe ten times in her life, not counting daycare. I would love to have a regular babysitter or something like that, but we don't know anyone I trust. When I do get to know people, it seems like it is time for us to leave. There are solutions to this particular problem, and I'm working on them, but that's not really my point.
Ellie has loved having my brother, SIL, and parents around. Her language skills have exploded since they got here. She has become so comfortable with each of them - to the point where she doesn't cry for more than a minute or two if I leave. Ellie is not the only one enjoying this. Joe and I are, right this moment, hanging out alone in our room, Ellie is sleeping downstairs with my mom. My bro and SIL love spending time with Ellie also and she thinks they are the greatest. I guess my point is that all of our lives are enhanced by being close to each other. I realize that vacation is not reality, but it would be so nice to be close to each other, We all would benefit from Ellie getting to spend some time with her grandma each day.
Joe and I have talked before about asking my parents to live with us. It wouldn't be for a few years - when they can't live on the mountain anymore. We would chose a house big enough so that everyone had their own space, but I think it is something that we (Joe and I) really want. I've never considered being close to family as a major criteria in choosing where to live before, but I think once Joe is done with the Army, it will probably be number two, at least, behind an ability to pursue our career goals.
Speaking of career goals, this job has really clarified what I want. I know it's not this job but I keep trying to remind myself that this job is a means to an end. I am really not looking forward to going back to work on Wednesday.
Final thought of the night - I had two friends who were pregnant and due almost the same day I was with Ellie. They are both now pregnant again. In my birth class of six couples, one already has another baby and two are pregnant. And my friend, my old neighbor in NC, is now pregnant. Her son is 6 months younger than Ellie! I know it's not a competition. I also know that now is not the right time for us to have another baby. And, I have many friends who have struggled with infertility, as have I, and I am truly grateful for the wonderful, beautiful baby that I have. But watching everyone get pregnant around me makes me want another baby NOW! Or, at least to be pregnant now.
The one thing that all these thoughts have in common is that I'm not really looking forward to the immediate future. I have nothing exciting happening any time soon - just work and more work. The one bright spot is that Ellie is talking more and more, which is really cool (I swear, someone hit the "talk" button in her head!) and it is a lot of fun to see what she will do/say next.
I have always loved moving. I have lived all over the country/world and I like that because it has exposed me to lots of different people, weather, customs, languages, etc. However, having Ellie has changed a lot of that. Particularly with this move, I feel more alone. The feeling has been even more acute since my family has been visiting that last several days.
Moving so much means that we rarely have close friends nearby. I have many online friends, but Ellie has really cut into the time I have to spend online (as she should). When it was just Joe and I, we spent most of our free time doing stuff, either together outside of the house, or staying home together. We do take Ellie lots of places, but we don't have many breaks with her. I have left her with someone (not family members) maybe ten times in her life, not counting daycare. I would love to have a regular babysitter or something like that, but we don't know anyone I trust. When I do get to know people, it seems like it is time for us to leave. There are solutions to this particular problem, and I'm working on them, but that's not really my point.
Ellie has loved having my brother, SIL, and parents around. Her language skills have exploded since they got here. She has become so comfortable with each of them - to the point where she doesn't cry for more than a minute or two if I leave. Ellie is not the only one enjoying this. Joe and I are, right this moment, hanging out alone in our room, Ellie is sleeping downstairs with my mom. My bro and SIL love spending time with Ellie also and she thinks they are the greatest. I guess my point is that all of our lives are enhanced by being close to each other. I realize that vacation is not reality, but it would be so nice to be close to each other, We all would benefit from Ellie getting to spend some time with her grandma each day.
Joe and I have talked before about asking my parents to live with us. It wouldn't be for a few years - when they can't live on the mountain anymore. We would chose a house big enough so that everyone had their own space, but I think it is something that we (Joe and I) really want. I've never considered being close to family as a major criteria in choosing where to live before, but I think once Joe is done with the Army, it will probably be number two, at least, behind an ability to pursue our career goals.
Speaking of career goals, this job has really clarified what I want. I know it's not this job but I keep trying to remind myself that this job is a means to an end. I am really not looking forward to going back to work on Wednesday.
Final thought of the night - I had two friends who were pregnant and due almost the same day I was with Ellie. They are both now pregnant again. In my birth class of six couples, one already has another baby and two are pregnant. And my friend, my old neighbor in NC, is now pregnant. Her son is 6 months younger than Ellie! I know it's not a competition. I also know that now is not the right time for us to have another baby. And, I have many friends who have struggled with infertility, as have I, and I am truly grateful for the wonderful, beautiful baby that I have. But watching everyone get pregnant around me makes me want another baby NOW! Or, at least to be pregnant now.
The one thing that all these thoughts have in common is that I'm not really looking forward to the immediate future. I have nothing exciting happening any time soon - just work and more work. The one bright spot is that Ellie is talking more and more, which is really cool (I swear, someone hit the "talk" button in her head!) and it is a lot of fun to see what she will do/say next.
