I'm just putting this out there...

[ste_noni]

If I fail this test next week, nothing bad will happen.  I will re-take the test in July.  It will cost me $600, and I will lose the $200 from the hotel, but that's it.  I will re-sell my books that I bought and won't need next time around.  I will still be licensed in NC and I will still be able to do the job that I want.  My husband, kids, and friends will all still love me.

Someone told me I need to be more optimistic, and I get their point, but the truth is, what I need to know is that it will be okay no matter what happens.  And now that I've worked that out, I've freed myself (as much as possible) to just take the test.

I don't actually think that thinking through the "what-if" worst case scenario is bad or borrowing trouble or whatever.  Both times Joe was deployed, it helped me some to think about how I would handle it if he died.  I didn't *want* him to die, but I just needed to know that I would be okay.  I realize that it would probably be more awful than I realize, but I  don't like the implication that I'm a downer or something because I'm mentally preparing for less than happy outcomes.

Anyway, back to the acceptance part.  I don't want to fail, but if I do, I'll just take the test again in July and I will be, by default, more prepared.

Comments

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking about you and DBT when this conversation came up. The Army is doing this "resiliency training" and our friend is the primary person handling it. I mentioned radical acceptance and accepting I might fail as a way of helping me cope with the stress of the pending exam. And everyone sort of gently jumped on me about being optimistic. I tried to explain radical acceptance but I don't think I did a very good job. I kept wishing you were there to explain it better.

[vwbug.livejournal.com]

Awww...honey. I'm sorry. I'm sure you explained it fine. It's just a difficult concept to wrap your head around the first, oh, 20 times you hear about it.

It sounds like you're handling this well, though. Really well.