I'm just putting this out there...

[ste_noni]

If I fail this test next week, nothing bad will happen.  I will re-take the test in July.  It will cost me $600, and I will lose the $200 from the hotel, but that's it.  I will re-sell my books that I bought and won't need next time around.  I will still be licensed in NC and I will still be able to do the job that I want.  My husband, kids, and friends will all still love me.

Someone told me I need to be more optimistic, and I get their point, but the truth is, what I need to know is that it will be okay no matter what happens.  And now that I've worked that out, I've freed myself (as much as possible) to just take the test.

I don't actually think that thinking through the "what-if" worst case scenario is bad or borrowing trouble or whatever.  Both times Joe was deployed, it helped me some to think about how I would handle it if he died.  I didn't *want* him to die, but I just needed to know that I would be okay.  I realize that it would probably be more awful than I realize, but I  don't like the implication that I'm a downer or something because I'm mentally preparing for less than happy outcomes.

Anyway, back to the acceptance part.  I don't want to fail, but if I do, I'll just take the test again in July and I will be, by default, more prepared.

Comments

[cass404.livejournal.com]

Someone told me I need to be more optimistic, and I get their point, but the truth is, what I need to know is that it will be okay no matter what happens. And now that I've worked that out, I've freed myself (as much as possible) to just take the test.

For me, I need to sometimes look at the worst and be a little prepared for it. Then I can go into a situation and not catastrophize it because I've already considered what can happen and it leaves me much calmer overall. Because I've thought out the worst and considered it. Now whatever happens, it's either what I am prepared for or better.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

[vwbug.livejournal.com]

I am with Cass. Sometimes running through the worst-case-scenarios and realizing they won't end your life helps you get to acceptance more quickly.

And, yes, we will all still love you :).

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking about you and DBT when this conversation came up. The Army is doing this "resiliency training" and our friend is the primary person handling it. I mentioned radical acceptance and accepting I might fail as a way of helping me cope with the stress of the pending exam. And everyone sort of gently jumped on me about being optimistic. I tried to explain radical acceptance but I don't think I did a very good job. I kept wishing you were there to explain it better.

[vwbug.livejournal.com]

Awww...honey. I'm sorry. I'm sure you explained it fine. It's just a difficult concept to wrap your head around the first, oh, 20 times you hear about it.

It sounds like you're handling this well, though. Really well.

[faerieflings.livejournal.com]

I'm the same way. If I don't think about the what-ifs calmly and objectively, I get overwhelmed by them and then I stop functioning. Not good for stressful things.

[sail-aweigh.livejournal.com]

I do the same thing. I don't think of it as being pessimistic or optimistic. I call it being prepared. What's emergency preparedness other than planning for the worst, hoping for the best? And we scream at the government if we feel they weren't adequately prepared for the worst. Why should I/you be any different?

That said, good luck and kick ass at the test!

[mearagrrl.livejournal.com]

Yes! This. If I've looked at the (realistic!!!) possiblities, and prepared for them, then I am ready. That's not catastrophizing, that's not being like "OMG, if I buy this chocolate bar, I will go bankrupt and end up homeless!", or whatever, it's thinking in real situations "OK, what's going to happen here? I'm in a blizzard, and I may not be able to take a train to the airport. Can I take a taxi? My flight may not go out today. Could I go directly to where I need to work? Could I reschedule? Worst case, how mad will my boss be? How much trouble would I be in, and how many people would be mad at me? OK, now I'm prepared for that."

[tskaredoff.livejournal.com]

Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

I'm with you. Thinking through the what-ifs and worst cases and knowing that, as much as I don't want to have to, I can manage them helps me cope. I'm glad you've worked that part of preparing for this test out.

Do you find you have to consciously think about what you will do if you pass, or is that just obvious? Maybe we are more optimistic than we seem.