Juxtaposition

[ste_noni]

Joe called me this morning just before my alarm went off. I'm always happy when my phone rings at that time because it's always him calling me to say hi. I started telling him how I had this really frustrating day yesterday. I went to bed early last night because I just needed to force my self to take a break. While I was watching Without a Trace I felt the baby moving around a lot. I looked under the covers and the next time she kicked, I actually saw my stomach move. My first reaction was "Creepy" and my second reaction was "Do it again." Despite the "alien" feelings, this has been a really fun part of pregnancy.

Usually I tell Joe this stuff via e-mail but today I got to tell him on the phone and hear his reaction. He was very excited and it was very rewarding to share the moment with him and to hear him be excited too. We talked for a few more seconds, and then Joe said "Hold on" and I heard this voice talking the background.

I could tell the voice was someone who had just received an incident report. I heard him say "...bomb at vicinity grid A57392724 [the location on the map]. We have two severely wounded soldiers...." and at that point I could tell Joe clamped his hand over the phone because I couldn't understand what the guy was saying anymore.

This sort of thing always leaves me very unsettled in a variety of ways. What stands out the most is that somewhere, someone else is just waking up, worried about their soldier. The news is coming to them - they just don't know it yet.

[eta: I just lifted this from the NY Times:

The American military said a roadside bomb north of Baghdad killed one American soldier and wounded two more at about 1:30 p.m. today during a patrol.

I suspect this is the same incident I heard about. It was about 1:45 pm there (6:45 am here) when I hung up the phone.]

Comments

[vwbug.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweet girl, what a way to start the day. How exciting to get to share that moment with him, but how sad too. I hope you're able to focus on the sweet moment with him. Although, I think it's important that we don't forget what's going on over there either. But, I think you get more than your fair share of that. So, for today, try to focus on the good.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I think I am able to focus mainly on the happy part. Lately I've been feeling that the baby kicking me should be a reminder of the joy in life. I just feel a bit guilty being so happy when I know bad news is coming for someone else.

Having said that, since I originally posted, there has been much coverage of bombings in Baghdad today, but none of it has mentioned any US deaths. I don't think so, but I'm hopeful that I heard wrong.

One of the things I really like about this journal is that the act of having to organize and compose my thoughts about the bad stuff helps me get it on paper (so to speak) and out of my mind. I feel bad sometimes about dumping grief/anxiety here (and letting it affect others) but it really helps me leave it behind.

[mfnlaw.livejournal.com]

I just feel a bit guilty being so happy when I know bad news is coming for someone else.

You have to take the good times when you can get them, because no one really knows if, let alone when, the next one will come around. At some point, we all have to let go of the things we can't control and focus on what we can. (Pot. Kettle. Black. I'm still working on it.) Don't ever feel guilty for being grateful that you have another chance to talk to Joe, and certainly don't feel guilty for being happy over your pregnancy. It may give someone the strength to get up in the morning.

I feel bad sometimes about dumping grief/anxiety here (and letting it affect others) but it really helps me leave it behind.

Never, ever feel bad. This is what LJ is for. Yes, it affects me on a very elemental level, but the end result is that I cherish what I have and who's in my life even more. That can never be a terrible thing. I need those kind of reminders every once in a while.

More importantly, if it helps you leave it behind, then who cares what anyone else thinks? If this is the best way for you to deal with it...well, that's all that matters. There is a beautiful baby girl on her way that deserves a content, peaceful mommy.

[fufaraw]

I'm so glad you got to talk to him and share some details about the pregnancy.

mfnlaw's right, we all need those kind of reminders occasionally. Please don't ever feel badly about using your lj to work out your feelings on things. It's what it's for.